 June 18th 2008
 Personal Development
 8 comments
We all know the importance of keeping promises to people. Keeping promises leads to trust which is one of the bedrocks of any good relationship, whether it be with friends, work colleagues or your partner. However there is one element of keeping promises that gets overlooked – keeping promises to yourself.
When it comes to personal productivity and just generally being able to get stuff done, committing to doing something and then actually doing it is critical. All those to-do items you casually put down on your list with no real conviction to finish off might seem harmless, but they represent broken commitments that over time wear away at your personal trust. Do it often enough and you will find you have very little conviction to actually get stuff done. You can blithely say you will do something without ever acting upon it. However, get into the habit of keeping promises to yourself and you will find it much easier to complete projects and build new habits. When you say you will do something you mean it.
- Make realistic promises
Break your work down into manageable chunks. Yes, it’s this tip, again! I may be mentioning it in nearly every other post at the moment but there is a good reason for that. It actually works! It is much easier to keep your promise about doing a small task, than it is to keep your promise to finish a large project or develop an entirely new habit over several months. It’s no good trying to keep a promise to visit the gym five times a week when you are just starting out. However, making a personal agreement to go once this week, then twice next week is much easier.
- Don’t make promises idly
Every time you break a promise to yourself (or to anyone else for that matter) you erode away at the trust. Even the smallest of actions can have a negative effect on that level of trust. Don’t think that a simple task on your to-do list that you keep putting off will have much effect, it’s being noted down subconsciously as yet another broken promise. If you commit to do something, whether it be to do some work on a particular day (you promise yourself you will decorate the bedroom at the weekend, for instance) or simply to respond to an email, follow through with it. If you don’t think you will actually do it don’t make that commitment.
- Make the promise contractual
The problem with items on your to-do list is that they don’t emphasize the fact that they are personal promises. As the name implies they are simply tasks to do. To get round this treat it as though it was a contract. You can even go so far as to type up a sheet defining the terms of the agreement between yourself and your head and sign it at the bottom. Just because when you break a personal promise there is nobody shouting down the phone like they would if you broke your word with a company or your customers, doesn’t mean the consequences aren’t the same (erosion of trust, for example). So, why not be business-like with your promises? While it’s not practical to have contracts for every minor item you need to do it can be very effective for larger projects, especially with habit building. For instance, as part of an health drive I’ve avoided alcohol this week. Thanks to the contract reminding me I had until Sunday 11.59PM not to drink any, I was able to complete my goal.
Reader discussion
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Love your tip about making the promise contractual! Drawing upon my legal background, might I suggest the following language for such a contract? If the language is too legalistic, of course it can be simplified to any degree. But, I chose legalese to give it that extra gravitas that was the point of your excellent tip!
BINDING CONTRACT FOR VALUABLE SERVICES
I, [full name], desiring to commit fully to my chosen goals, as set forth below, and to complete each step, also set forth below, of said chosen goals do hereby promise as follows:
1. For my goal of [specific goal, "losing 20 lbs. by November 2008"], I will [specific bitesized chunk that will get you closer to your goal, "go to the gym for at least 30 minutes on Tuesday, Thursday, and Sunday this week"].
2. For my goal of [the same specific goal as above with another bitesized chunk or a different specific goal with appropriate bite-sized chunk, "no dessert during the week for just this week"].
3. And so on…
Having set forth these goals and the specific steps that I promise myself I will take this week toward each of them, I solemnly affix my signature on the line below, attesting that I shall carry out these steps with as much responsibility I would give to any promise I have made to any boss, client, family, or friend.
Date:
Signature:
That was fun!
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Thanks very much for the example contract Shanel, it’s brilliant. Will definitely be putting it into practise in the near future.
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I have a big problem with the first one. I procrastinate long enough, so that the project I promised myself that I would do becomes more and more unmanageable. Quick action and firm promises are a great way to keep to-do list items bitesize.
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The issue with the first one is that our emotions get in the way. We need to have a strong abstraction mind set to be able to make realistic promises, as a human it is too easy to be emotional. I believe that the hardest thing to do, at least for me, it’s to keep the promise until the end, it’s easier to drop in the middle!
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You bring up a good point Jose. One of the guidelines I use to determine an appropriate size for work is to see how small I have to make it before I actually want to do it. I’m currently decorating my bedroom. Trying to do the entire room in a weekend was never going to happen. It didn’t appeal and I simply resisted doing it. However, when I decided to do one wall at a time (each weekend) it felt much more appealing.
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