Comments on: The 3 Stage Strategy For Dealing With Toxic People http://www.organizeit.co.uk/2008/08/06/the-3-stage-strategy-for-dealing-with-toxic-people/ One of the longest running and most respected productivity blogs on the net! Wed, 28 Dec 2011 20:52:07 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Richard http://www.organizeit.co.uk/2008/08/06/the-3-stage-strategy-for-dealing-with-toxic-people/comment-page-1/#comment-32672 Richard Fri, 12 Jun 2009 21:41:27 +0000 http://www.organizeit.co.uk/?p=754#comment-32672 I loved the post and took it all to heart. My personal take is that a complete cut-out is the only way to go. But, I have a question for you (and anyone else who might read this). What do you do when you discover that your toxic friend is also your spouse? Assume for the sake of responding that the cut-out approach of divorce is not an option. I'm looking for some real substantive advice. Thanks! I loved the post and took it all to heart. My personal take is that a complete cut-out is the only way to go. But, I have a question for you (and anyone else who might read this). What do you do when you discover that your toxic friend is also your spouse? Assume for the sake of responding that the cut-out approach of divorce is not an option. I’m looking for some real substantive advice. Thanks!

]]> By: James http://www.organizeit.co.uk/2008/08/06/the-3-stage-strategy-for-dealing-with-toxic-people/comment-page-1/#comment-25414 James Fri, 22 Aug 2008 18:45:31 +0000 http://www.organizeit.co.uk/?p=754#comment-25414 You make a good point Laura. You can apply the 80/20 rule to relationships too. If the relatonship doesn't mean that much, don't waste energy on something that has minimal benefits. You make a good point Laura. You can apply the 80/20 rule to relationships too. If the relatonship doesn’t mean that much, don’t waste energy on something that has minimal benefits.

]]> By: Laura http://www.organizeit.co.uk/2008/08/06/the-3-stage-strategy-for-dealing-with-toxic-people/comment-page-1/#comment-25382 Laura Mon, 18 Aug 2008 21:01:04 +0000 http://www.organizeit.co.uk/?p=754#comment-25382 Those are great points and very valid, but I really think before moving to these points you mention, you have to understand how important the relationship is to you. If it's not that important or you aren't getting anything out of it (and thus, neither is the other party) your best option is to go straight to the third stage. You don't have to try to save something, and you don't have to explain to the other person why you made that decision. A simple, "I just think this isn't working out for the two of us" will suffice. Giving a toxic person reasons only gives them a way to validate them in your favor and continue the fight for the relationship (or just continue a fight), or even use your words against you in trying to manipulate other friends to be on their side. It's better not to give any reasons, nor to talk behind their back, but simply to say, "It wasn't working out". That wa, it's a clean break, and you don't waste any more time or energy on the situation. Those are great points and very valid, but I really think before moving to these points you mention, you have to understand how important the relationship is to you. If it’s not that important or you aren’t getting anything out of it (and thus, neither is the other party) your best option is to go straight to the third stage. You don’t have to try to save something, and you don’t have to explain to the other person why you made that decision. A simple, “I just think this isn’t working out for the two of us” will suffice.

Giving a toxic person reasons only gives them a way to validate them in your favor and continue the fight for the relationship (or just continue a fight), or even use your words against you in trying to manipulate other friends to be on their side. It’s better not to give any reasons, nor to talk behind their back, but simply to say, “It wasn’t working out”. That wa, it’s a clean break, and you don’t waste any more time or energy on the situation.

]]> By: Aruna Shaw http://www.organizeit.co.uk/2008/08/06/the-3-stage-strategy-for-dealing-with-toxic-people/comment-page-1/#comment-25350 Aruna Shaw Mon, 11 Aug 2008 05:54:52 +0000 http://www.organizeit.co.uk/?p=754#comment-25350 This is brilliant advice. I have such a person in my life and I've always wondered why I felt unwell and drained after seeing or speaking to her. I have taken some steps to avoid her now and feel better for it. Your article proves I did the right thing. Thanks you for this valuable advice. This is brilliant advice. I have such a person in my life and I’ve always wondered why I felt unwell and drained after seeing or speaking to her. I have taken some steps to avoid her now and feel better for it. Your article proves I did the right thing. Thanks you for this valuable advice.

]]> By: James http://www.organizeit.co.uk/2008/08/06/the-3-stage-strategy-for-dealing-with-toxic-people/comment-page-1/#comment-25349 James Sun, 10 Aug 2008 07:32:35 +0000 http://www.organizeit.co.uk/?p=754#comment-25349 Glad you liked it. I think the second point is especially crucial. It can be disappointing to see a relationship become unbalanced (for instance, when you both go to different universities and make new friends), but in the long run it's better for both parties. Glad you liked it. I think the second point is especially crucial. It can be disappointing to see a relationship become unbalanced (for instance, when you both go to different universities and make new friends), but in the long run it’s better for both parties.

]]> By: Tage http://www.organizeit.co.uk/2008/08/06/the-3-stage-strategy-for-dealing-with-toxic-people/comment-page-1/#comment-25337 Tage Thu, 07 Aug 2008 02:45:09 +0000 http://www.organizeit.co.uk/?p=754#comment-25337 This has some handy points. I really like the second one. I can't tell you how many times I have seen people try again and again to please people who couldn't care less. I just wonder how happy they could make someone who actually cared about them. Good stuff. This has some handy points. I really like the second one. I can’t tell you how many times I have seen people try again and again to please people who couldn’t care less. I just wonder how happy they could make someone who actually cared about them. Good stuff.

]]> By: Shanel Yang http://www.organizeit.co.uk/2008/08/06/the-3-stage-strategy-for-dealing-with-toxic-people/comment-page-1/#comment-25336 Shanel Yang Wed, 06 Aug 2008 17:28:02 +0000 http://www.organizeit.co.uk/?p=754#comment-25336 Great post! I agree that people can make life a slice of heaven on earth or a living hell. When it comes to toxic people, the best policy is always to kick that person to the curb! Gently, of course. No need to be mean about it. Great post! I agree that people can make life a slice of heaven on earth or a living hell. When it comes to toxic people, the best policy is always to kick that person to the curb! Gently, of course. No need to be mean about it.

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